Cooking To The Extreme
by Darck Moon
Summary: Hiei returns to Kurama’s apartment only to find that there is nothing to eat! Starving and home alone, he finds a cookbook on how to make Cake. Will our favorite fire demon succeed? Or will something go horribly wrong? Chapter 2: Nachos
1. Dough Ain't Just For Show

Summary: Hiei returns to Kurama's apartment only to find that there is nothing to eat! Starving and home alone, he finds a cookbook on how to make Cake. Will our favorite fire demon succeed? Or will something go horribly wrong? One-shot fic.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or anything related to it. I just love humor and if that includes YYH, I'm there! Plus I like to write and have an evil imagination and that's never a good combo.  
  
"Cooking To The Extreme"  
  
Hiei sighed, muttering "stupid ningens." Kurama nowadays was making him go to school with Yusuke and the baka. The school had to be let out early due to an explosion in a lab that had 'accidentally' caught fire. Hiei grinned. He had left the group after Kuwabara made a snyde remark about how the blue uniform looked big on the fire demon and had to be rushed to the hospital due to third degree burns. "Thank god Kurama has his own house." He said.  
  
Jumping up the nearby tree he tried to open the top story window only to find it shut tight. "What the?!" The demon started yanking on it, clawing at it, even biting it in frustration before bursting it open with a single punch. Landing inside Kurama's room, he made his way towards the kitchen as his stomach began to growl. When he approached the refrigerator, he saw a small yellow piece of paper taped to the door.  
  
It read, "After school I'll be going grocery shopping. So I'll be late. But if the school is for some odd reason on fire and we're let out early I might not take as long, signed Kurama. "Hiei looked at the clock. "The evil school let us go about twenty minutes ago. Hell, so another two or three hours until fox boy gets home..." He yanked the door open hoping to find SOMETHING. But when Kurama means grocery shopping, he's serious. The refrigerator was dead empty. "Oh reiki no." He muttered. He continued tearing cabnet doors off, looking through cookie jars, & digging through the freezer. Even his precious sweet snow was gone!  
  
Hiei sat down among the pile of ruble twitching. "Not even sweet snow...." Then he saw one more cabinet that hadn't been touched yet. He perked up.  
  
Halleluiah music plays and a ray of golden light shines  
  
Hiei dived for it, hitting his head on the door but wrenched it open to find...a book. "DAMNIT!" Hiei yelled. Then he saw the word 'Food' on it and grabbed it, peering at the title that read, 'Dessert Foods'. "What's a dessert?" Hiei asked himself. He flipped through the pages. One page, brownies, the next, pie, then something caught his eye. CAKE!  
  
"So this is how you make the precious cake." He said. He looked over the instructions. "Flour, Water, Eggs. Simple enough." He put the book on the counter, burned all the rubble and through the ash out of the window. "There we go. Now let's see, where am I gana get some damn flour?" Then he remembered something. He disappeared into Kurama's room and came back with a pot of flowers and dumped them (including the soil) into the bowl.  
  
"Eggs, if he had eggs I would be eating that now wouldn't I?" He grumbled. He grabbed a bar of soap from the sink and put it in. "Close enough."  
  
"Now it says to stir until there's no lumps in the mixture..." He stared at the bowl, grabbed his Katana and started to pound the life out of it with the hilt. Each hit pounded the bowl further and further into the counter until it lay in a deep mini-crater. "Well, there's no lumps left..." Hiei said, sweatdropping. He grabbed the bowl to put it into a baking pan but found a new problem, it was stuck.  
  
So now the fire demon had his hands around the rim of the bowl and his feet were on the shelf as he tried to pull the container out of the counter. "Maybe this stupid bowl should have been in the Dark Tournament." Hiei muttered to himself.  
  
One hour later...  
  
"COME ON YOU STUPID THING!!" Hiei yelled at the bowl again and oddly enough, it came right out. Thus resulting in him crashing into the wall on the other side of the kitchen. "I hate cooking..." Hiei said and picked up the bowl (which was now half-empty after spilling a good deal of it) and slammed it into the oven. "Baking pan or not I SHALL beat this even dough stuff, and make the holy cake!!"  
  
He grabbed one of the knobs on the oven and turned it to the side, landing on 'Grill' rather then bake...  
  
So Hiei spent the next 10 seconds cleaning up until he heard a cracking sound. He looked around, saw nothing, and continued to walk aimlessly through the apartment.  
  
Crack Crack  
  
"What in makai is that?" Hiei said, drawing out his Katana, the hilt still dripping cake mixture. He stalked his way into the kitchen, going quickly and quietly. He rounded the corner and...  
  
SPLAT  
  
A whole thing of hot dough hit him square in the face. He wiped it off and looked at the attacker. The oven was shooting mixture everywhere through the busted open door. Running quickly over to it he shut it close.  
  
"Stupid ningens electronics." The fire demon muttered and started walking off when he heard a groaning sound. He looked over his shoulder right as the door burst open and a large amount of dough came lunging out.  
  
"AAAAH!! ITS ALIVE!" Hiei shrieked and went to run out of the kitchen but was immediately drowned by the mixture. So the dough continued to toss him from side to side and it took hold of hit Katana, "NOOO!!" and threw it out the window. Just then, our favorite redhead just happened to walk in with groceries.  
  
He didn't notice the commotion coming from right in front of him because the bags of food were blocking off his vision. He calmly put them down, turned to the kitchen and sweatdropped.  
  
"Kur....a...ma!!" Hiei said as her resurfaced from the dough only to go under again.  
  
"HIEI, WHAT THE HECK HAVE YOU BEEN DOING!!" Kurama shouted but the dough crashed into him as well and proceeded to burst through the front door...and hover in the air before crashing down. Passing by all 264 floors.  
  
WHAP!  
  
"Well...ow...at least you now have TWO craters." Hiei said as he stood up, covered in the mixture. Kurama glared at the fire demon, his eyes becoming gold.  
  
"Hiei, you have 5 seconds."  
  
"Eep!" 


	2. Nachos, Beware!

Summary: Hiei returns to Kurama's apartment only to find that there is nothing to eat! Starving and home alone, he finds a cookbook on how to make Cake. Will our favorite fire demon succeed? Or will something go horribly wrong? One-shot fic.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or anything related to it. I just love humor and if that includes YYH, I'm there! Plus I like to write and have an evil imagination and that's never a good combo.  
  
"Cooking To The Extreme"  
Chapter Two

He waited for Kurama to drive away before unlocking the fox's front door and creeping inside. Shutting the door, he made his way towards the kitchen.

Ever since the "Evil Cake Of Doom" incident Kurama has allowed Hiei to still come by and use his kitchen if he ever got hungry. But the oven had been bolted shut and all cookbooks were confiscated. The fire demon knew that they were at Kuwabara's house, but the thought of having to go over their sickened him. Plus the fact that Shizuru could fight better then Yusuke and still be related to Kuwabara was frightening enough.

Then he remembered what Yusuke had said just a few days ago. Something about putting cheese and chips together to create something called Nachos.

He got out a plate and soon found a large bag of chips. Piling all the contents onto the small plate he proceeded towards the refrigerator to find cheese.

"Cheese, cheese. Where are you you stupid ningen food?" He muttered to himself before he saw the bag of shredded cheese. Leaning forward he grabbed the bag only to find one problem: it was stuck between two large jugs of orange juice.

Determined to get his 'prey' and satisfy his rumbling stomach Hiei gave one last pull only to go wide eyed and duck as fast as he can. The two jugs catapulted out of the fridge, one brushing the top of Hiei's hair and exploded against the wall behind him. Glaring at the offending mess he slammed the door close and walked back to his plate of chips.

After dumping the whole thing of cheese onto the tower he grabbed the plate and pushed it roughly into the microwave, hitting random buttons and hit "Start".

Time set: 10 minutes, 29 seconds.

So the little Jaganshi sat around the apartment waiting for the food to cook. He didn't know when Kurama would be home but knowing him it would be another hour or so.

DING!

In a blur Hiei was at the microwave and wrenching the door open, smells of melted cheese drafted out and filled the room. He grinned, showing his large canines and licked his lips. Grabbing the plate he took it out and...

"HOT!" Being a fire demon it didn't actually burn him, but it did surprise him beyond reckoning. The plate miraculously lands ok, without a chip out of place to boot. Hiei blew hard on his hand a few times, waving it up and down.

Blurp.

He froze, looking at the source of the noise.

Blurp, blurp.

The melted cheese on his nachos was still hot and bubbling, giving off odd sounds every few seconds.

Blurp. Hiei's eye twitched. Blurp, twitch, blurp, twitch. Then he did the first thing that came to his mind. He started beating the crap out of the tower of nachos with his katana.

"Evil cheese demon!" WACK

"I finally get some food cooked without getting hurt or killed..." WHAP

"And you possess the food and mock ME!" WACK WHAP CRASH.

"Hiei what are you doing?!" A shout came from the kitchen doorway. Hiei froze, katana raised above his head and looked over. Yusuke, Kuwabara & Kurama stood wide-eyed at the door. That's when he finally noticed all the bits of cheese and chips splattered onto the walls and ceiling in the kitchen.

"We demand an explanation Hiei." Kurama said, more in shock then rage. So Hiei explained...the same rate that he can run.

"Followed Yusuke's advice, made nachos, plate was hot, took by surprise, cheese demon possessed my food so I'm going to kill it." Of course, the others only got bits of this because of the speed rate he was talking at.

BLURP.

The spirit detective, fox demon & fire demon turned to the source of the sound: a piece of bubbling cheese had landed in Kuwabara's hair.

"I shall defeat thou evil cheese demon and thy's really stupid human servant! For I am no longer Hiei! Ye shall now address me as...as...Hiei The Cheese Demon Slayer Of The Holy Cake Brigade!" Hiei said, pointing a finger at Kuwabara before crashing headlong into him. The other two could only watch in unbelievable wide-eyes as the two crashed through Kurama's door ("MY DOOR!") and proceeded to crash down the many flights of stairs that led up the 200 something floor apartment.

"So...who's going to rescue Kuwabara from Hiei?" Yusuke asked slowly only to hear Hiei's faint cry of "My name is Hiei The Cheese Demon Slayer Of The Holy Cake Brigade!"

"...want some nachos?" Kurama said, looking at the detective.

"Sure." And the two went back inside for some nachos, only to slip on orange juice and crash into the far wall.

"Hiei...." Kurama growled.

"HIEI THE CHEESE DEMON SLAYER OF THE HOLY CAKE BRIGADE!"


End file.
